Understanding Domestic Violence - What is Domestic Violence?

WHAT IS DOMESTIC VIOLENCE?

Domestic violence is usually the result of one party in a relationship seeking to control another party in that relationship. The parties need not live together. The abuse may be both physical and psychological. Physical abuse, apart from the obvious forms of violent touching, may be sexual, may include physical or electronic stalking, doing harm to oneself or to property in another’s presence or placing the abused person in danger. Forms of psychological abuse are limited only by the abuser’s imagination, and tend to exploit aspects of the abused person’s personality. Psychological abuse is often directed at lowering the abused person’s self esteem or making him or her fearful, often using threats against the abused person or the abused person’s loved ones. Threats may be overt or as subtle as a glance. Psychological abuse may include interfering with freedom of movement or association, or obstructing the abused person’s efforts to gain financial information or independence.

Domestic violence usually begins in more limited forms, allowing the abuser to test the limits of what the abused person will tolerate without leaving the relationship. It is characterized by three phases: build-up, occurrence, and remorse and contrition. The third phase often includes a short-term return to positive or even very positive behavior by the abuser that may cause the abused person to decide there will be no further abuse or that the abuse is tolerable. Often, however, the abuse is repeated.

Legal options for abused persons include seeking restraining or protective orders, and filing criminal or civil charges. A restraining or protective order is a court order limiting contact between the abuser and the abused person, under penalty of fine, increased limitation, or jail. Requests for restraining orders are usually heard on an unscheduled, regular, even daily basis, in county courthouses. There is often no fee to request such an order. Under such orders, the abused person may also get use of the marital home, if that is relevant, use of a marital vehicle, and temporary custody of any children. Judges in such hearings usually require very specific information about abuse or serious threats of abuse having occurred in the fairly recent past. Because some people use allegations of abuse to gain an advantage in legal matters, judges are usually very careful in determining whether the abuse or threat is real.

A danger of allowing abuse to continue is that the survival rate of those who seek to end an abusive relationship decreases the longer the abuse is allowed to continue. An abuser’s response to such attempts is often increased violence. Ending an abusive relationship should usually be planned with outside advice, perhaps even from law enforcement. Hot lines advising abused persons can be found in the yellow pages or on the Internet. Unfortunately, if abuse continues unchecked too long, some abused persons’ only hope of survival is to remain in the relationship. Societal barriers to physical violence are insufficient to deter many non-incarcerated committed abusers.

Abused persons considering leaving a relationship and not returning should seriously consider discussing this option with an attorney, as it may affect the outcome of any dispute regarding custody, parenting time, and in the case of a marriage, property division or maintenance. On the other hand, the victim of domestic violence may have significant statutory leverage in a court’s ultimate custody and parenting time determination. Also, under federal law, a person convicted of domestic violence loses certain rights, such as to possess a firearm. Thus, the good news is that there are strong legal remedies available, and an abuse victim must act in order to protect themselves and their children.

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